A Theo update...

... I feel like I'm on cloud nine!!!!!

Theo has grown lots!!!!!  He put on two kilos in his first month.  (don't know how many pounds that would be).  He is now 5400gr.  

My boys all have had a high temp and a really bad cold.  Even Theo got the horrid virus.  I was a wreck.  I kept thinking I was going to lose him.  I know.... I was being silly but I kept thinking.... he's too little ... he can't tell me what's wrong... what if I can't understand if he feels really bad?  He still has a bit of a cough.  We do aerosol 6 times a day.  (think doc. was slightly over the top).

As I kept saying.... I  kept my pregnancy a secret.... and as I said some found out anyway.  However.... there were some people that really didn't know anything about it.  

A friend that I used to work with ....was at the doctors... she saw Theo and her jaw dropped!  

Theo's doc. saw me walk into her room and screamed with joy .... "is he yours?????"  She then hugged me so hard!

When I walked out of the docs. I met one of our friends that I hadnt seen for ages.  I said "Theo say hello"  My friend said...."have I missed something?"

Seeing people looking at us with joy is ever so important for us.  It's like a recognition that people really do understand.... (or at least try to understand) what I (we) went through during the whole pregnancy.  It's not just a case of.... "oh how lovely.... you've got a living baby now get on with it".

I have also found that I am a different mother.  I feel like I'm at my first pregnancy again.  I sometimes think... oh my god... what do I do?  

I never put him down during the day when he is asleep.  I always have him sleeping in my arms.  He's with me 24 - 7.  Something that hardly ever happened with Luca and Calogero.  I was quite a firm mummy.  

I just think.... well maybe it is wrong having him sleep in my arms.... maybe it is wrong to pick him up all the time.... but then I think.... who's ever going to give me back his these days of his life?  Time goes past so fast that I'm going to find him running around and he'll be the one not wanting hugs and cuddles.  

My house is a mess.... I'm a physical mess.... WHO CARES!  :D   I've been waiting 9 months for a live, healthy baby.... now he's here I want to make the most of it while he's still little.  

Those special kind of people ....

you only meet on the internet... and they make you feel extra special.

THANK YOU SARITA!

Sarita sent us a baby sleeper and sme stickers for my boys.

Can't thank you enough.... thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers during my pregnancy.

big hugs and kisses.

2nd january 23.40......

He came into the world kicking and crying. Breathing with a strong heartbeat.

Theo John, Thea Caterina's baby brother arrived safe and sound in our arms.

I had a very fast labour and I am sure .... Positive...... With all my heart that Thea was there with us .... And she was the one who put that little man on me maybe even saying "he's here mummy!  Keep smiling!"  She is so special and so is this little bundle of joy she gave us.

Whilst I was lying in the hospital bed in the observation room after giving birth.... With Theo starting to breast feed I heard the most beautiful song coming from the doctors rooms. "In the arms of an angel". Now try telling me it was just a coincidence and I'll tell you you're wrong!!!!


Sarita now you know who I am.  You've been so kind to me sending me a tag for Thea and you are the only one that sends her a birthday card on the 25th of March. Maybe she wanted you to be the only one to follow me in my pregnancy. Thank you for the support and prayers. Great big hug coming your way and a great big hug for your daughter meridth rose.

I hope to write theo's birth story soon

Mariahappywithherthreeboysandherangelalwaystakibgcareofher

40 weeks...

I did my glucose test and I don't seem to have gestational diabetes.  So that's not the reason for all the extra liquid I have.

I am in hospital everyday for check ups..... everything seems ok.

On the 2nd .... if nothing happens before..... I should go into hospital.

I tired..... worried... and I would love to have baby in my arms safe and sound.

I really do hope the next update will be a birth announcement.

God help baby and me.

Thank you for being part of my pregnancy....I hope this blog has helped other babyloss mums in there pregnancy.

Happy New Year you all

38 + 39 weeks....

Well as I said nothing goes as planned.

I'm currently in our b&b.

Went for docs appointment last week and baby has flipped.  So it's just a matter of waiting.  Doc. wants me to have frequent monitoring to see if I have any contractions and if the baby is doing well.

He then said that I should go into hospital at 40 weeks if baby is not born before and have frequent check ups making it present that my pregnancy is high risk and that I lost my baby at 36 weeks in my last pregnancy.


Well I went to hospital ... had various monitoring for contractions.... I have been going for the past three days every two days.  A doc didn't actually believe that baby had flipped and said that he wanted to give me a scan.  He did and said that I had polydramnios.  Too much amniotic liquid.

The doc in the hospital didn't seem that worried about it.  He just said come back in about three days for monitoring.  I went back the day after and abother doc said exactly the same thing.

I have read up on internet about polydramnios.  I suppose I shouldn't have.

Polydramnious usually occurs when baby has gastrointestinal defects, if mother has gestational diabetes and other things.

I called my doc to let him know.  He didn't seem very worried about it.  He told me to do another glucose test.  I went to see if I could do the test and the laboratory is closed for christmas holidays!

Im quite worried as I had polydramnios for my last pregnancy too.

I would love to know what's going on inside my bump.  If baby is ok.  I really hope everything will go well.  I'm SO scared.

hello 37 weeks......

Never did I ever think in the month of April straight after my pregnancy test that I would ever make 37 weeks.

I went to the hospital this week.

I had blood work done, spoke with the doc there, they did other test..... so IF i have to have a c section then they already have everything ready for me.

I also had monitering done.  There were one or two contractions but nothing painful or to think I were to go into labour shortly.

Baby is still breach :(

At this point thought...... I think I'm in God's hands and whatever happens I'm here ready for any outcome.  I would prefer a natural birth but if that cant be.... then I'll have to deal with it.

When I went into the maternity ward.  I actually recognized a nurse.  She's from my village.  She helped me a lot telling me where to go for the different tests and who to speak to.  Im actually glad I have her there at least I know who to call if I need something or for anything else.

I found out that the ward doesn't allow children under the age of 12 in the ward.  I hope they don't make it a rule for when the baby is born.... my boys HAVE to see their brother!  They will go mad if they don't see him straight away...... if they don't God knows what they'll be thinking has gone wrong :(

I have to go back in a few days to talk to the anethiasist and do test..... I'll ask then what the rule is for big brothers getting to know their little brother.

I haven't yet got my hospital bag ready yet.   I have everything ready to put into it... but not put them in.  I don't feel like putting anything in there yet.  It's as if I delay it.... then I won't jinx it!

We have sorted out accomodation.  I think that as soon as I have my last docs appointment then I will be going to stay with my sister in law for a few days.  When school finishes for my boys then they'll came too.... we'll then probably spend christmas in a b&b and wait for our little man to arrive.  Hopefully things will go as planned.  Lately nothing seems to go as planned.

36+1 weeks ........

I got passed it!!!!!

I went to the doctors visit this week.

My little man has grown.  He has actually recuperated the week he was behind from the begining of the pregnancy!

Glucose is fine.  No protiene in my urine.  Everything seems to be going well....

Except for one thing..... HE'S PODALIC!

Hopefully he will turn.  All three of my babies have turned at the end of the pregnancy.  Doc thinks he'll turn but just to be on the safe side he wants me to get blood work done and everything else for a c section so if my waters were to break I would have everything ready in hospital and they could do the c section.

So I have all of this blood work and check ups to do next week.

I finally got round to buying this little man a few things.!
I'm not getting my hopes up .... but .... I can't wait till he's here safe, healthy and alive!

35 weeks and 5 days.....

Same weeks and days my Baby Angel was born and yesterday I was actually the same weeks and days we found out my Baby Angels heart wasn't beating anymore :(

It's difficult .....

I keep thinking.... ok "is he moving?"  "I've got to be careful because I don't want to not understand if he's moving less and then it's too late".

I'm quite worried about tomorrow.  I pick up my glucose blood tests  Hopefully they wont be as high as last time or the doc will referr me to another doc for diet and insulin shots.  I've tryed extra hard to eat healthily and keep away from sweets and chocolate.  I'm cravying chocolate but determined not to givin!

I'l be having my next check up this week.  My strep swab too.  Hopefully those will go well.  My boys want to come to the docs check up.  We will probably let the doc start the scan and when he hopefully says everything is ok then we'll let the boys in.  We'll have to tell him not to mention that they're going to have a little brother :D

Then ..... IF everything goes well..... I think the time has come to shop for stuff for my hospital bag and something for baby.

My sister in law rang yesterday saying she was off to buy baby's first outfit.  SO I'll have to at least buy another outfit for the second day in hospital.  I don't want to worry hubby and everyone to go and buy things for the baby the day after he's born.

I was thinking about all of this today and saying to myself.  Ok.. it's something I've got to do.  It's something I would normally do in a pregnancy......so why do I feel like I'm running ahead?  I then concluded thinking.... I have to buy stuff for me one way or the other because.... wether he have his eyes open or wether he be sleeping he's still got to come out of there so I'll need a hospital bag.  If I don't use his things I buy then I can always put them in a memory box.

I know.... it's morbid... it's wierd ..... and it's not what an expectant mum would think but it's what I do think and I can't wait to know what the outcome will be.  Will he be in my arms alive? or will he be in my arms just so I can say goodbye?

34 weeks + doc's appointment update

Here we go....


The overall picture is Very good.

Baby has grown.  We got to see his face a little better.  He seems to look like our first born.

Liquid is fine, His wieght has gone up.  His measurements are as they should be for 34 weeks.  Placenta is young and in a good position.

Now onto the not so good notes.

My blood sugar levels went up slightly.  He wasn't pleased about that.  I have been going a bit over the top with sweets ans chocolates from my negative glucose tests..... maybe just a little bit too much.  I have also gained a little bit too much weight.

So I'm back on my fruit and vegtables diet.  Not having any sweets or chocolate even though I crave them SO bad!

I'm going to redo my blood work to see if the sugar levels go down.  Hopefully they will after a good week of dieting.

doc has told me o stop taking my aspirin tablet.  Hopefully that will be ok.

They gave me a hospital list.  I went to the supermarket afterwards .... I just couldn't bring myself to buy anything on that list.  I just kept picking up stuff and putting it bak down again.

Maybe after my 36 week mark I'll be slightly more open to buying stuff,  I'll have to be!!!!

32 + 33 weeks......

I must confess that I was quite sure that I was still 32 weeks when I was actually 33.  I lost count.  I don't know if that was maybe my subconsious WANTING to delay everything.... When I did eventually understand I was 33 weeks I started to get into panic mode.

I'm near my 35+5 mark.  The week and days I lost my baby and I am terrified of losing this little one too.

I've always had this sort of gut feeling that when everything seems to go really well.....then there it is round the corner..... that giant slap in the face that says "That will teach you for being happy!"

It really worries me that something is going to go terribly wrong and we'll all end up in tears.

My docs visit is this week.  I'm scared about that too.... about him saying that my little man hasn't grown from last time.

Without deliberatley doing so I have read a few loss stories on the internet.... everytime I do I start to imagine myself in their shoes and in those situations with risks and illnesses that it frightens me.

On a positive note a friend came round.  She kissed my baby bump and I surprisingly didnt feel fustrated by it.  It was a loving kiss... and she had the most caring smile. It made me happy to share my bump with her and talk a while.

I'm still not going out and making myself be seen.  I get phone calls. asking me about birthday parties and kids activities.  I suppose that's just normal with two children that go to school.  I feel really bad having to make excuses and telling lies as to why I can't go and buy the birthday present this time round..... because "I'm working".  Hopefully everyone will forgive me when they actually find out the reason for my not being around and not partecipating in my boy's activities.

I still haven't sorted out my accomodation near the hospital.  Hope to do that when I got to docs appointment this week.

My little man is still moving THANK GOD!  He makes me smile.  I'm still counting the kicks but in a rather less anxious way.  I read a blog post on the PAL website and coundn't agree more with this PAL mum.   I'll link the article here.  I had read sevral artiles on counting the kicks,  Too little ,,,, then too many,  I was getting quite confused.  I'm glad this PAL mum wrote this vìblog post and calmed my nerves.


Next update after docs appointment.  All fingers crossed...... and if anyone still prays......they will come in handy too.

30 and 31 weeks....

I had my docs appointment last week.

Everything went well.  Doc said that baby is growing well.  It's about the same weight now at birth as my angel baby so he wants to monitor me a little more because my angel baby obviously stopped growing around 31 or 32 weeks.

Symptoms I am having at the moment .... is bad heartburn.

I'm putting on just a bit too much weight!!!!

I bumped into a friend in a shop the other day.  She stopped looked at me and was gobsmacked!

She said that someone had asked her if she knew if I were pregnant or not.  She said she didn't know and didn't want to know and that if I am then I may well have my reasons not to tell anyone.

I hope that's the truth.....

I told another friend and she phoned me yesterday saying that seen as though I keep my angel baby alive remembering her and organizing babyloss events and stuff that it's her way of wanting to thank me and wanting to make me happy by giving me another baby.

I was really touched by her words.

I don't know if my angel baby really thinks this of me.... and I don't know how the outcome will be.  I'm in God's hands and he will do as he wishes.  I hope to have my screaming baby here alive a well.... I hope to be well too.

Now the fact that I am also at risk has started to kick in even more.  I keep thinking about my boys.... I know they will be well looked after..... but.... I'll miss them like crazy if anything happens.  I hope God's will ... will be kind to all of us and just like all good films and books we can live happily ever after.

I took a very brave step yesterday too.  I looked at all of my angels clothes to see if there was anything she could lend her brother.  There were some things that were nutural and I think I will use.  I won't actually get them ready or wash them or anything untill I get past my 36 week mark.  I know anything can happen after too.... but I really have to wait till that date for anything.

I was looking were to stay closer to the hospital.  There is a sort of B&B nearby but it will cost a bomb for just two weeks.  Since I don't really know when the birth is going to be I was thinking about renting furnished appartment or house for about a month.  It cost much less and I can at least cook and wash my clothes.  Another advantage is that we can have the boys and my parents stay without added charge as we would have in a B&B if we were to stay in a four bed room.

I've started looking for accomodation because ..... well.... one way or another... this baby has to be born.  I might aswell get that sorted at least.

See you next week,..... or the week after for another update.

WEEK 26...27...28...29....

I've not been on here recently.  :(  Sorry about that.

Anyway .... things seem to be going well till now.

I've had the usual pregnancy symptoms.  Heartburn, aches and pains..... the usual... and I'm even greatful for those!!!

I had my glucose test done... everything went well.

My bump is growing.  I love feeling him kick.

The nosey people are still around.... but I don't bother about them.

The 15th of October..... for the wave of light .... we had a beatiful day of remembering all babies that are no longer with us.

It was such a great day and the village participated with empathy .... at least they were good in that.

I have my docs appointment next week.

Now I'll be going into my 30th week in a few days..... getting to 36 weeks will be really scarey..... and getting passed it will be good...but still worrying.

see you next week after my docs appointment

24 and 25 weeks.....

I didn't have much to write for last weeks update.....

I don't really have much to write for this weeks apart from the fact that I'm growing :D

I feel baby move constantly and I'm so greatful!  I never thought I would bond with it much after the loss of my angel..... but I am.... and I'm so in love with him just as I am in love with his ohter three sibblings.

We had a bit of a scare the other day.... not a pregnancy related one.... but a house related one.  I woke up andd saw the most odd looking object under my kitchen counter.  It looked to me as if it were mouse droppings.  I looked closely and saw more :(  oh NO!!!!!!!!!

I called hubby, He called an expert and someone to come and clean and disinfect our kitchen.  I unfortunately can get everything clean what with doc saying I can't do a lot with the fybroid.

Anyway... turned out they weren't mouse droppings but some sort of insect larva. HURRAY!!!!!!

The lady that had come to clean the kitchen from cieling to floor  anyway ... cos it need it!!!!!  why am I telling you all of this?  what does this have to do with my pregnancy after loss?  well.... actually it does a bit.

In my kitchen I have a little corner dedicated to my angel baby.  We have a little clay tag with her name on it and a few little plants.  Well As I was putting away stuff in my kitchen drawers.  I caught this lady that had made the clay name piece fall.... grab something and throw it away.  When I eventually looked to see what had happened she had broken half a letter and threw it away!  I was SO angry!!!!

I didn't confront her about it.  I would have probably have been so nasty towards her.  I just thought "ok baby keep me calm and help me ignore it!".

:(

I will need more help before baby is born around the house.... but I'll be damned if I'll ever call her again!

23 weeks......

Went for my docs appointment.

Baby is doing fine.  He's measuring and weighing fine. 

Still had a bit of trouble in the toilet department.  Still got constipation!  Well lets just say I had, because I am now taking pysillum gel everyday (well from yesterday) and it seems to have sorted it out.

Doc has given me iron tablets.  They've always given me bad constipation with my other pregnancies.  It's a good job I'm taking the pysillum.  

I've gained 7 pounds since the begining of the pregnancy.  I'm not allowed to put on much more.  Maybe 3 pounds then I have to up my heparin dose.  I hope not because I won't feel happy having to do that.

On the nosey people front..... well.... people are talking..... they even know how far along I am!!!!!!!  I'm actually gobsmacked at that.  HOw the hell do they know that and are convinced it's the truth!!!!!! I'm going to have a good look under my bed every night from now on!!!!!  Someone else had to be there at the conception to be so convinced they know how far I am!

:)

I'll let them talk......as long as they don't dare to call me or congratulate me on my pregnancy.

22 weeks...

:( had a little visit in A&E

Well I'll tell you it all from the begining.

I went for a vaginal swab one morning.  It all went well.  Then came home. I felt quite tired.  Had a lie down.  Went to the toilet.  Wiped myself... and there is was..... mucus mixed with a bit of blood.  My blood went cold and a thousand thoughts crossed my mind.

I phone my doc.  Abroad.  ABROAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  eh??????!!!!!

I then think I have to have this checked out.  I had no intention of going to the A&E near here.  It's the hospital my baby angel was born in.  So hubby and I got in the car and an hour and a half later we were in A&E in the hospital I "HOPE" to give birth in.  After a two hour wait.... and a screaming new baby born as we were waiting...... we went in and doc gave me a check over.  Everything was fine.  No blood to be seen.  Baby was fine..... (I already knew that though because the first thing I did was use the doppler and heard the heartbeat.  He was kicking away too!)

At the end of my scare the doc said that it was probably all to do with the swab that morning and not to worry.

Our journey back home was much more comforting.  Smiles had by all.  I left my boys at home and they were worried sick when we left them.  When we got home they were happy to here the good news.

Changing the subject.... well to be honest I should dedicate it a new post .... but then that would be giving it too much importance.... so I won't.

The day after my scare.... I get a phone call.  Someone I hardly ever talk to on the phone.  I know this person.  I wouldn't actually call her a friend.  Anyway the phone call goes like this:

- Heeellloooooooooo
ME- oh hi!
-how are you?
Me: fine thanks
- is what I've heard true?
Me: depends on what you've heard
- have you got a bump?
Me: (...........................)
Me: who told you?  I haven't been going out.... I haven't spoken to anyone..... I think anyone would understand that even if it is true, just maybe I don't want to talk about it and I want to live this my way.
- oh ok.  As long as your ok.
Me: couldn't be better (sarcastically said).

I just can't believe it!!!!!!!!

I can actually understand who could have let our big secret out.  Two, so called friends of ours came to our house to say goodbye as they were going back home after they're holidays.  I wasn't expecting them.  Anyway.... one of them pointed to my bump and said.... "I'm not that good at observing".  I answered if they could please ignore it..... I don't want to talk about it.  If someone would have said that to me I would have understood.

What do they do?

They walk out of my house and tell everyone in the bloody village!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok..... I understand.... they are probably happy for us and wanted to tell everyone.  I want to scream it out to the whole world but don't!!!!!!!!!!  Their Happiness doesn't make mine!

anyway...... I'm sure I'm going to have many other phone calls during this week.  News goes round VERY quickly in this village.

Even the phone call is just  beyond me.  Would you really phone someone to ask if what they heard is true?  You know my past story.  You know how much I was hurting.  If it's true.... then be happy for me without being nosey.  If it's not true.... well only time will tell.

Curiosity Killed the Cat!

21 weeks....

.... well just over 21 weeks.  I'm a little late with the update.

Well not much has happened this week.

I eventually did tell my neighbours.  I sent them a text message.  Told them that I didn't want their congratulations, that I didn't want to speak about it..... I'd rather they ignored the fact I was pregnant.  I said I didn't want them to be offended by this ..... it's just that I want to do it my way this time.

They actually understood.  They are fine about the whole thing and are very discreet.

Thank God!!!!

A person who was not so discreet was a person I know and who I bumbped into a few days ago when I went out with hubby for our anniversary.  She didn't say anything to me.  She actually asked my neighbours if I was pregnant.  They said that I've always had a bit of a belly after my pregnancies.  Maybe I was slightly fatter because I had relatives over and went out for dinner a lot lately.  But the thing is.... what I really would love to know..... is that even if she got a positive answer what would come out of it for her?  I mean what's the big deal if I am?  She isn't going to have to spend money on it.  She isn't the one giving birth to it.  If people know what difference does it make anyway???

Another relative, who I haven't said anything to, went back home Thursday.  Before she did she came round to say goodbye to me.  She said.... "well let us know"..... and she touched my bump!  I was furious!!!!!!!  I said "The arguement is a tabu' in this house" and then I grabbed her hand and took it straight off my belly.  How dare she!

That evening I had what I thought were mild contractions.  It was actually wind and an upset stomach.  But I think she did contribute it all.

Lately I've being following this website http://www.pregnancyafterlosssupport.com/ and this group on facebook.  I read on them that some babyloss mothers who are pregnant with their baby rainbows nearly all have a week mark to overcome.  Like losing their baby at 20 weeks and they wait till that week is over to start to relax and maybe even start buying things for their rainbows.  I lost my baby at 36 weeks.  My goal will definately be waiting for that week to pass.... to relax and maybe be able to do something for this little man.   The only thing is I am sort of making other people's stories and losses my own.

I don't know if I can explain.  If I know a babyloss mother that has lost their baby at 38 weeks .... I'm thinking.... I can't wait till I get passed 36 weeks..... but..... what if it happens again at 38 like it did to that other babyloss mother?

What if's arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

They're still here!  They're playing wih my mind and my feelings.

Hurry up Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!   Come soon I want to see my alive baby!

20 weeks.....

Half way!

Another 20 weeks (God willing) and it will be over!

I went for my fetal ecocardio scan.  It all went well.  We were in the hospital where I think I will be giving birth.  When we waked in there were a load of bumps waiting to do the same scan.  We were near the neonatal unit.

Seeing the tiniest of twins go passed us in an incubator was quite scary.

Seeing parents going into the neonatal unit with sad faces was heartbreaking.

Seeing two mothers coming out on the neonatal unit with their babies with a great big smile that went from ear to ear was comforting.


Seeing parents coming in for their weekly check up with their tiny little sleepy bundles was hopeful. I found myself thinking..... will I be one of these mothers?  Will I at least have the tiniest bit of hope that this little baby boy that is kicking around inside will actually come home with me.  Or will I be going out of that hospital with empty arms..... yet again?

It was then my turn.

There he was.  His tiny heart was beating away.  He kept wriggling away from the sonogram and the doc. said he was a crafty little chappie!

I have started crocheting a blanket.  A rainbow coloured one.  Maybe I shouldn't.  But then I thought.... "oh well..... if he doesn't get wrapped up in his blanket I can always put it in his memory box!".  Morbid? Well yeah maybe..... but that's how it is when you're PAL (Pregnant After Loss).

People seem to be noticing my bump more...... and I have sort of exploded!  My bump is definately not hideable anymore.

My friends.... who are also my neighbours keep asking hubby where I am and why don't I go round to see them anymore.  I really don't know what to do.  Do I come out into the open and be bombarded with all the STUPID questions and IGNORANT comments?  do I carry on hiding in my house?  It's not easy living in such a close net comunity where everyone knows everyone.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

19 weeks...

Here I am for my 19 week update!

We went to our doc appointment on Wednesday.  We had our anatomy scan.  Everything is in the right place.  Things seem to be looking good.

Just one thing wasn't right and upset me quite a bit.  I have a fribroid just underneath my placenta causing it to lift in the middle.  Doc said to not do any heavy lifting.  He said he wasn't that worried about it because it is quite small.  3 cm.  There could be a risk that it might get bigger as the pregnancy hormone could cause it to get bigger.... at the moment he wants to keep it under control and check babies growth because he doesn't want this fibroid obstracting the nutrients going to the baby.

The baby is 150% a boy!

I can feel him move now.  :D  I love feeling him move around.  If I get scared.... I get my doppler out and then calm down when I hear the heart beat.

We told our boys that they are going to have a little brother or sister.  I don't want to tell them the gender.  I want it to be a surpise for them.  They seemed to be very happy about it.  They understand us not wanting to talk about the pregnancy all the time.  My eldest actually said "when it's born I'll help buy clothes and things it needs"!.

We have a fetal cardio scan in a few days.  Fingers crossed things are going to go well with that too.

I may just be going mad!

I asked hubby if he would let me use the doppler on him.  He was VERY reluctant at first ..... when I explained that I wanted to hear the difference between an unpregnant person and someone that's pregnant.  There was a big difference.  :D  I didn't think it would be that different.  :D

Funny that only after trying it on my hubby I was convinced that the doppler actually works!

18 weeks...

Things seem to be going good.  

It's been a very calm week.  Nothing to talk about really.  

I haven't weighed myself since the last docs appointment.  I'm slightly scared too :(  I've been watching what I'm eating.  No sweet stuff.... no fried stuff. Eating as healthly as I can.  Hopefully the scales won't make me cry when I get on them next week before docs appointment.

I'm going to hav blood work done this week so I won't have to hurry around like I did last time and nothing was ready to take to docs.  

I've still been using my doppler.  What a great invention!

Even though I still get my what ifs!!!!  like what if what I'm listening to isn't my baby?

I wish december would hurry up and get here!

Keep your fingers crossed for a friend of mine.  She is a week behind me in this pregnancy and she's having some complications.  We've been holding hands .... I'm holding her hand special tight and keeping her in my prayers.

See you next week.

Oh.... ps: thank you Sarita for commenting, thank you also for your thoughts and prayers.