20 weeks.....

Half way!

Another 20 weeks (God willing) and it will be over!

I went for my fetal ecocardio scan.  It all went well.  We were in the hospital where I think I will be giving birth.  When we waked in there were a load of bumps waiting to do the same scan.  We were near the neonatal unit.

Seeing the tiniest of twins go passed us in an incubator was quite scary.

Seeing parents going into the neonatal unit with sad faces was heartbreaking.

Seeing two mothers coming out on the neonatal unit with their babies with a great big smile that went from ear to ear was comforting.


Seeing parents coming in for their weekly check up with their tiny little sleepy bundles was hopeful. I found myself thinking..... will I be one of these mothers?  Will I at least have the tiniest bit of hope that this little baby boy that is kicking around inside will actually come home with me.  Or will I be going out of that hospital with empty arms..... yet again?

It was then my turn.

There he was.  His tiny heart was beating away.  He kept wriggling away from the sonogram and the doc. said he was a crafty little chappie!

I have started crocheting a blanket.  A rainbow coloured one.  Maybe I shouldn't.  But then I thought.... "oh well..... if he doesn't get wrapped up in his blanket I can always put it in his memory box!".  Morbid? Well yeah maybe..... but that's how it is when you're PAL (Pregnant After Loss).

People seem to be noticing my bump more...... and I have sort of exploded!  My bump is definately not hideable anymore.

My friends.... who are also my neighbours keep asking hubby where I am and why don't I go round to see them anymore.  I really don't know what to do.  Do I come out into the open and be bombarded with all the STUPID questions and IGNORANT comments?  do I carry on hiding in my house?  It's not easy living in such a close net comunity where everyone knows everyone.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!