30 and 31 weeks....

I had my docs appointment last week.

Everything went well.  Doc said that baby is growing well.  It's about the same weight now at birth as my angel baby so he wants to monitor me a little more because my angel baby obviously stopped growing around 31 or 32 weeks.

Symptoms I am having at the moment .... is bad heartburn.

I'm putting on just a bit too much weight!!!!

I bumped into a friend in a shop the other day.  She stopped looked at me and was gobsmacked!

She said that someone had asked her if she knew if I were pregnant or not.  She said she didn't know and didn't want to know and that if I am then I may well have my reasons not to tell anyone.

I hope that's the truth.....

I told another friend and she phoned me yesterday saying that seen as though I keep my angel baby alive remembering her and organizing babyloss events and stuff that it's her way of wanting to thank me and wanting to make me happy by giving me another baby.

I was really touched by her words.

I don't know if my angel baby really thinks this of me.... and I don't know how the outcome will be.  I'm in God's hands and he will do as he wishes.  I hope to have my screaming baby here alive a well.... I hope to be well too.

Now the fact that I am also at risk has started to kick in even more.  I keep thinking about my boys.... I know they will be well looked after..... but.... I'll miss them like crazy if anything happens.  I hope God's will ... will be kind to all of us and just like all good films and books we can live happily ever after.

I took a very brave step yesterday too.  I looked at all of my angels clothes to see if there was anything she could lend her brother.  There were some things that were nutural and I think I will use.  I won't actually get them ready or wash them or anything untill I get past my 36 week mark.  I know anything can happen after too.... but I really have to wait till that date for anything.

I was looking were to stay closer to the hospital.  There is a sort of B&B nearby but it will cost a bomb for just two weeks.  Since I don't really know when the birth is going to be I was thinking about renting furnished appartment or house for about a month.  It cost much less and I can at least cook and wash my clothes.  Another advantage is that we can have the boys and my parents stay without added charge as we would have in a B&B if we were to stay in a four bed room.

I've started looking for accomodation because ..... well.... one way or another... this baby has to be born.  I might aswell get that sorted at least.

See you next week,..... or the week after for another update.