34 weeks + doc's appointment update

Here we go....


The overall picture is Very good.

Baby has grown.  We got to see his face a little better.  He seems to look like our first born.

Liquid is fine, His wieght has gone up.  His measurements are as they should be for 34 weeks.  Placenta is young and in a good position.

Now onto the not so good notes.

My blood sugar levels went up slightly.  He wasn't pleased about that.  I have been going a bit over the top with sweets ans chocolates from my negative glucose tests..... maybe just a little bit too much.  I have also gained a little bit too much weight.

So I'm back on my fruit and vegtables diet.  Not having any sweets or chocolate even though I crave them SO bad!

I'm going to redo my blood work to see if the sugar levels go down.  Hopefully they will after a good week of dieting.

doc has told me o stop taking my aspirin tablet.  Hopefully that will be ok.

They gave me a hospital list.  I went to the supermarket afterwards .... I just couldn't bring myself to buy anything on that list.  I just kept picking up stuff and putting it bak down again.

Maybe after my 36 week mark I'll be slightly more open to buying stuff,  I'll have to be!!!!

32 + 33 weeks......

I must confess that I was quite sure that I was still 32 weeks when I was actually 33.  I lost count.  I don't know if that was maybe my subconsious WANTING to delay everything.... When I did eventually understand I was 33 weeks I started to get into panic mode.

I'm near my 35+5 mark.  The week and days I lost my baby and I am terrified of losing this little one too.

I've always had this sort of gut feeling that when everything seems to go really well.....then there it is round the corner..... that giant slap in the face that says "That will teach you for being happy!"

It really worries me that something is going to go terribly wrong and we'll all end up in tears.

My docs visit is this week.  I'm scared about that too.... about him saying that my little man hasn't grown from last time.

Without deliberatley doing so I have read a few loss stories on the internet.... everytime I do I start to imagine myself in their shoes and in those situations with risks and illnesses that it frightens me.

On a positive note a friend came round.  She kissed my baby bump and I surprisingly didnt feel fustrated by it.  It was a loving kiss... and she had the most caring smile. It made me happy to share my bump with her and talk a while.

I'm still not going out and making myself be seen.  I get phone calls. asking me about birthday parties and kids activities.  I suppose that's just normal with two children that go to school.  I feel really bad having to make excuses and telling lies as to why I can't go and buy the birthday present this time round..... because "I'm working".  Hopefully everyone will forgive me when they actually find out the reason for my not being around and not partecipating in my boy's activities.

I still haven't sorted out my accomodation near the hospital.  Hope to do that when I got to docs appointment this week.

My little man is still moving THANK GOD!  He makes me smile.  I'm still counting the kicks but in a rather less anxious way.  I read a blog post on the PAL website and coundn't agree more with this PAL mum.   I'll link the article here.  I had read sevral artiles on counting the kicks,  Too little ,,,, then too many,  I was getting quite confused.  I'm glad this PAL mum wrote this vìblog post and calmed my nerves.


Next update after docs appointment.  All fingers crossed...... and if anyone still prays......they will come in handy too.

30 and 31 weeks....

I had my docs appointment last week.

Everything went well.  Doc said that baby is growing well.  It's about the same weight now at birth as my angel baby so he wants to monitor me a little more because my angel baby obviously stopped growing around 31 or 32 weeks.

Symptoms I am having at the moment .... is bad heartburn.

I'm putting on just a bit too much weight!!!!

I bumped into a friend in a shop the other day.  She stopped looked at me and was gobsmacked!

She said that someone had asked her if she knew if I were pregnant or not.  She said she didn't know and didn't want to know and that if I am then I may well have my reasons not to tell anyone.

I hope that's the truth.....

I told another friend and she phoned me yesterday saying that seen as though I keep my angel baby alive remembering her and organizing babyloss events and stuff that it's her way of wanting to thank me and wanting to make me happy by giving me another baby.

I was really touched by her words.

I don't know if my angel baby really thinks this of me.... and I don't know how the outcome will be.  I'm in God's hands and he will do as he wishes.  I hope to have my screaming baby here alive a well.... I hope to be well too.

Now the fact that I am also at risk has started to kick in even more.  I keep thinking about my boys.... I know they will be well looked after..... but.... I'll miss them like crazy if anything happens.  I hope God's will ... will be kind to all of us and just like all good films and books we can live happily ever after.

I took a very brave step yesterday too.  I looked at all of my angels clothes to see if there was anything she could lend her brother.  There were some things that were nutural and I think I will use.  I won't actually get them ready or wash them or anything untill I get past my 36 week mark.  I know anything can happen after too.... but I really have to wait till that date for anything.

I was looking were to stay closer to the hospital.  There is a sort of B&B nearby but it will cost a bomb for just two weeks.  Since I don't really know when the birth is going to be I was thinking about renting furnished appartment or house for about a month.  It cost much less and I can at least cook and wash my clothes.  Another advantage is that we can have the boys and my parents stay without added charge as we would have in a B&B if we were to stay in a four bed room.

I've started looking for accomodation because ..... well.... one way or another... this baby has to be born.  I might aswell get that sorted at least.

See you next week,..... or the week after for another update.

WEEK 26...27...28...29....

I've not been on here recently.  :(  Sorry about that.

Anyway .... things seem to be going well till now.

I've had the usual pregnancy symptoms.  Heartburn, aches and pains..... the usual... and I'm even greatful for those!!!

I had my glucose test done... everything went well.

My bump is growing.  I love feeling him kick.

The nosey people are still around.... but I don't bother about them.

The 15th of October..... for the wave of light .... we had a beatiful day of remembering all babies that are no longer with us.

It was such a great day and the village participated with empathy .... at least they were good in that.

I have my docs appointment next week.

Now I'll be going into my 30th week in a few days..... getting to 36 weeks will be really scarey..... and getting passed it will be good...but still worrying.

see you next week after my docs appointment

24 and 25 weeks.....

I didn't have much to write for last weeks update.....

I don't really have much to write for this weeks apart from the fact that I'm growing :D

I feel baby move constantly and I'm so greatful!  I never thought I would bond with it much after the loss of my angel..... but I am.... and I'm so in love with him just as I am in love with his ohter three sibblings.

We had a bit of a scare the other day.... not a pregnancy related one.... but a house related one.  I woke up andd saw the most odd looking object under my kitchen counter.  It looked to me as if it were mouse droppings.  I looked closely and saw more :(  oh NO!!!!!!!!!

I called hubby, He called an expert and someone to come and clean and disinfect our kitchen.  I unfortunately can get everything clean what with doc saying I can't do a lot with the fybroid.

Anyway... turned out they weren't mouse droppings but some sort of insect larva. HURRAY!!!!!!

The lady that had come to clean the kitchen from cieling to floor  anyway ... cos it need it!!!!!  why am I telling you all of this?  what does this have to do with my pregnancy after loss?  well.... actually it does a bit.

In my kitchen I have a little corner dedicated to my angel baby.  We have a little clay tag with her name on it and a few little plants.  Well As I was putting away stuff in my kitchen drawers.  I caught this lady that had made the clay name piece fall.... grab something and throw it away.  When I eventually looked to see what had happened she had broken half a letter and threw it away!  I was SO angry!!!!

I didn't confront her about it.  I would have probably have been so nasty towards her.  I just thought "ok baby keep me calm and help me ignore it!".

:(

I will need more help before baby is born around the house.... but I'll be damned if I'll ever call her again!

23 weeks......

Went for my docs appointment.

Baby is doing fine.  He's measuring and weighing fine. 

Still had a bit of trouble in the toilet department.  Still got constipation!  Well lets just say I had, because I am now taking pysillum gel everyday (well from yesterday) and it seems to have sorted it out.

Doc has given me iron tablets.  They've always given me bad constipation with my other pregnancies.  It's a good job I'm taking the pysillum.  

I've gained 7 pounds since the begining of the pregnancy.  I'm not allowed to put on much more.  Maybe 3 pounds then I have to up my heparin dose.  I hope not because I won't feel happy having to do that.

On the nosey people front..... well.... people are talking..... they even know how far along I am!!!!!!!  I'm actually gobsmacked at that.  HOw the hell do they know that and are convinced it's the truth!!!!!! I'm going to have a good look under my bed every night from now on!!!!!  Someone else had to be there at the conception to be so convinced they know how far I am!

:)

I'll let them talk......as long as they don't dare to call me or congratulate me on my pregnancy.

22 weeks...

:( had a little visit in A&E

Well I'll tell you it all from the begining.

I went for a vaginal swab one morning.  It all went well.  Then came home. I felt quite tired.  Had a lie down.  Went to the toilet.  Wiped myself... and there is was..... mucus mixed with a bit of blood.  My blood went cold and a thousand thoughts crossed my mind.

I phone my doc.  Abroad.  ABROAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  eh??????!!!!!

I then think I have to have this checked out.  I had no intention of going to the A&E near here.  It's the hospital my baby angel was born in.  So hubby and I got in the car and an hour and a half later we were in A&E in the hospital I "HOPE" to give birth in.  After a two hour wait.... and a screaming new baby born as we were waiting...... we went in and doc gave me a check over.  Everything was fine.  No blood to be seen.  Baby was fine..... (I already knew that though because the first thing I did was use the doppler and heard the heartbeat.  He was kicking away too!)

At the end of my scare the doc said that it was probably all to do with the swab that morning and not to worry.

Our journey back home was much more comforting.  Smiles had by all.  I left my boys at home and they were worried sick when we left them.  When we got home they were happy to here the good news.

Changing the subject.... well to be honest I should dedicate it a new post .... but then that would be giving it too much importance.... so I won't.

The day after my scare.... I get a phone call.  Someone I hardly ever talk to on the phone.  I know this person.  I wouldn't actually call her a friend.  Anyway the phone call goes like this:

- Heeellloooooooooo
ME- oh hi!
-how are you?
Me: fine thanks
- is what I've heard true?
Me: depends on what you've heard
- have you got a bump?
Me: (...........................)
Me: who told you?  I haven't been going out.... I haven't spoken to anyone..... I think anyone would understand that even if it is true, just maybe I don't want to talk about it and I want to live this my way.
- oh ok.  As long as your ok.
Me: couldn't be better (sarcastically said).

I just can't believe it!!!!!!!!

I can actually understand who could have let our big secret out.  Two, so called friends of ours came to our house to say goodbye as they were going back home after they're holidays.  I wasn't expecting them.  Anyway.... one of them pointed to my bump and said.... "I'm not that good at observing".  I answered if they could please ignore it..... I don't want to talk about it.  If someone would have said that to me I would have understood.

What do they do?

They walk out of my house and tell everyone in the bloody village!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok..... I understand.... they are probably happy for us and wanted to tell everyone.  I want to scream it out to the whole world but don't!!!!!!!!!!  Their Happiness doesn't make mine!

anyway...... I'm sure I'm going to have many other phone calls during this week.  News goes round VERY quickly in this village.

Even the phone call is just  beyond me.  Would you really phone someone to ask if what they heard is true?  You know my past story.  You know how much I was hurting.  If it's true.... then be happy for me without being nosey.  If it's not true.... well only time will tell.

Curiosity Killed the Cat!